Searching For The Answer

God, I want to be a better person.
I want the change in my life. Maybe I only have few more years, maybe not. Or maybe have a long life. I don't know, but there are so many thoughts juggling in my little brain. So many questions there too which i have not found the answer.

From all of the times,

• Am I really bad person so everyone leave me to be alone?
• Am I gonna be forever alone?
• Will I be grow older by myself?
• Are You punishing me because I'm an evil person all this time nonstop?
• I know that God has a purpose to me because He created me. There must be a reason why I was born. Or am I just an outcast?
• How God speak to me? Do God want to speak to me? Am I worth it so God want to speak to me? Or I'm just really stubborn so I can't heard Your voice? Or You spoke to me from someone else? Would God talk directly to me one day?
• How do I know what God command me?

My thoughts are:

• I'm a really really a bad person so I become like this right now. I'm no worthy in God's eye.
• I'm not give thanks more than enough so I questioning all that above.
• Every morning I always pray God before opening my eyes to lead me to be a better person, yet I still can't make it 20% a better person.When the night is come I become more depression knowing I will not become a better person and worthy enough so You can talk to me.
• I'm a bad person with full of selfishness.

God, if I can ask a purpose, I would like to talk to You, if You're okay with it.

Yours daughter,
Me